The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

The Plague, it ain’t done with us yet. Texas slows its reopening. Crime skyrockets in New York City. The Dixie Chicks lose half their name and NASA is full of sh*t. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The plague ain’t dead yet

Coronavirus is back with a vengeance. According to Axios, nationwide there is a thirty percent rise in infections compared to the beginning of the month. Arizona looks really screwed, with nearly an eighty percent uptick in cases. Seventy five percent in Michigan, seventy percent in Texas and of course, there’s always Florida, making the infection top four with sixty six percent. Heck, even California, the state where every day brings one kind of disaster or another, is seeing an uptick of forty seven percent.

Texas slows its reopening

The Texas Governor, Greg Abbott is putting the kibosh on his reopening plans in the Lone Stare State and ordered hospitals to postpone elective surgeries in four counties, as coronavirus cases and hospitalizations from the plague are on the uptick. CNBC notes Abbott walked back any future reopening plans due to the spread of covid in the state. Well it is Texas, they could always try shooting the virus. 

NYC gets lot’s o’ crime

Things aren’t much better in New York City but the problems there aren’t due to the plague, per se. Crime is spreading faster than the clap in the city that never sleeps. Well, they must do some kind of sleeping, how else do you explain all that clap? NYPD Commissioner Dermot Shea has gone on record saying that the criminal justice system has essentially imploded in New York. NBC New York reports that the homicide rate in the city has hit a five-year high and the number of people shot has jumped over forty percent. New York has been experiencing kind of  a perfect storm of stupidity with judicial system shutdowns, breakdown of the social nets and bail reform laws that many say just release criminals back to the streets straight after an arrest. Sounds like a perfect storm for booting deBlaiso to me. 

Cancel the National Anthem

Let’s see, what’s on tap with the social justice shit show today. According to the Wall Street Journal a group of angry identity grievance politics ding-dongs in, where else, New York  City,  are refusing to sing the Star Spangled Banner at a graduation ceremony and of course, they want it replaced with something else. Something they approve of, of course. I’ll bet NWA’s  Fuck the Police is in their top three.  Personally, I think it should be changed to the Team America theme song. 

Dixie Chicks cancel half their name

Oh, have you heard this one yet? The Dixie Chicks are changing their name to just The Chicks. You know, they better check with their intersectionalist overlords to see if it’s OK to be called “The Chicks.” As ‘chicks’ is a common vernacular for women, and as we all know by now, there is no such thing as gender or assigned sex. Besides, isn’t ‘Chicks’ sexist or something? They would have been better off changing their name to the “Dicks.” I do wonder when they will rename Dixie Cups to just plain ol’ Cups? 

 

According to the San Francisco Gate, The Chicks’ website now says that they, quote. “want to meet this moment.” Oh, it’s a magic moment. Just in case you were wondering, the term Dixie refers to Southern U.S. states. Just to show you how incredibly stupid all this is, the Dixie Chicks play music that has it’s roots in southern culture. Country music. In fact, all historical music that’s of any worth here in the US, comes from the south. Country, blues, jazz, bluegrass, sea shanties. Outside of that, Chicks, you’ll soon learn that you can never virtue signal enough. Sooner or later, you’ll end up on the wrong end of the social justice culture wars. 

Tina Fey pisses off Asians

Just the other day The Overnight Underground reported on Tina Fey wanting all the 30 Rock episodes that contain black face erased. Now the former SNL star is in hot water from the grievance race based intersectionalist lunatics over her portrayal of the Asian community. Yep, the self-righteous Twitter mob is after Fey for her Asian bits from Mean Girls and 30 Rock. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, sooner or later they’re coming after you too. Because nothing says schadenfreude quite like racial political virtue signaling. 

NASA needs a new crapper

Hey, NASA needs a new space toilet stat! Futurism dot com is reporting that everyone’s favorite space agency is on the lookout for a space toilet that handles half a kilogram of diarrhea. As you can imagine, taking a constitutional in zero gravity is no picnic. And if you’ve got a case of the crabapple two step, wow, I can’t even imagine. NASA is launching their Lunar Loo Challenge so that when the astronauts head back to the moon, they can park their moon on a better head. NASA is currently looking for designs and are even offering a twenty thousand dollar reward for the best designed zero gravity porcelain god. Twenty grand huh, that’s a lot of Taco Bell. 

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The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

Biden takes the lead. New York tells Florida to stay the hell away. The Seattle Mayor rains on ANTIFA’s parade. The statue mobs are getting a little handsy and it’s time to stop exercising. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Biden takes the lead in new poll

Don’t look now but Biden has a fourteen point lead in the latest polling. MSN News reports that doddering old political fool number two, Joseph Biden, is making inroads with women and nonwhite voters. All of this is according to a new poll of registered voters by The New York Times and Siena College. Biden leads the poll with fifty percent, doddering old fool number one, Bullwinkle J Trump takes thirty six percent and fourteen percent will vote for “other.” I don’t know about you, but other has my vote too. 

NY tells Fla to stay away

Three states in the North East are mandating quarantine for Florida visitors. New York, New Jersey and Connecticut have all set a fourteen day quarantine for visitors from the sunshine and pandemic state. Now if Florida could only figure out a way to time travel backwards and keep those obnoxious New Yorkers from migrating to Florida in the first place, it would be a pretty damn good place to live.  NBC News is reporting Florida joins Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Washington, Utah and Texas as states with infection rates high enough to warrant the quarantine, so says New York Governor, King and strongman dictator Andrew Cuomo.

Where to pee?

So maybe some states opened up too early and now they’re paying a high price. We’re looking at you Florida and Texas. But with most states only partially reopened, there is still one major pressing issue yet to be addressed. Where the hell do you take a leak? Vice News, that bastard, ah bastion of journalistic integrity points out the obvious, with public and business bathrooms either unavailable or unsafe, the good people of many US cities are whipping it out in public or peeing in their pants. According to one completely un-scientific poll, around fifty eight percent are holding it till they get home and over twenty one percent are just letting it rip in the great wide open. All the rest? Depends. 

Seattle terminates autonomous 

It seems that even the pinko, pansy, bed wetting Mayor of Seattle has finally had enough of the so-called “occupied” protest zone in the downtown area of that former great city. Mayor Jenny Durkan has called for the dismantling of the “Capitol Hill Occupied Protest Zone,” the autonomous six block area of the city. It was just a few days ago when the Mayor likened the protest zone to a new quote: “Summer of Love.” But all that was before the last forty eight hours  saw multiple instances of violence sprouting in the new “Summer of Love” zone with at least two shootings, which left multiple injuries and one dead. The Mayor is calling for the Police to retake the confederate section of the city and re-occupy the abandoned police station in the zone. What will those peaceful protesters do? Here’s what one told ABC 10 news in Seattle after hearing the news. What a shit show. 

The mob in Wisconsin is a little out of hand

The angry statue destroying mobs are starting to get a little sporty. CBS News reports that in Madison, Wisconsin, peaceful protesters there reportedly tore down two statues and threw a beat down on openly gay state Senator Tim Carpenter. To make matters worse, the peaceful protesters who attacked the Senator, also trashed a statue of anti-slavery activist Hans Christian Heg. Heg’s statue was decapitated and thrown into a lake by the protesters. The idiot’s in the mob either didn’t know or care that Heg was an abolitionist who fought on the side of the Union.  Still it’s also true he was a notorious violent carnivore who exclusively used binary pronouns. So yea, he totally deserved it. 

DC send in Guard

All this begs the question, how do you keep angry mobs from tearing down statues? In DC thef are sending in the National Guard. The Hill reports that unarmed members of The Guard are being deployed to the nation’s Capital to lend a hand to Park Police to secure DC’s national monuments. Guard members are expected to stay in The Capitol through the Fourth of July and may number as high as four hundred. Lets just ponder all this for a minute, we’re in the midst of a global pandemic, the President is duller than a bag of Kardashians and millions are out of work. And what are the useful idiots doing? Tearing down monuments. Honestly.

Stop exercising now

You need to stop exercising and you need to stop it right now. A new study out of Japan is noting that daily strenuous activity, such as exercise, might actually shorten your lifespan. According to Study Finds dot org, researchers at the Tokyo Institute of Technology found that Kabuki actors, with very active lifestyles, had shorter lifespans than the lazy Japanese who just sat around watching tentacle porn all day. The researchers believe that the aggressive endurance training necessary for the Kabuki performances neutralizes the usual benefits of exercise. So go ahead, put a little extra mayo on the pizza and pass the pork fat sushi.

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The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

The EU may ban Americans. Fauchi testifies before Congress. Mel Gibson and Jimmy Kimmel, meet cancel culture. Greta on black lives matter and your cat may be a cock blocker

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The EU wants you to stay home. 

If you were thinking about traveling to Europe, you better do it quick. News today that EU countries are considering a ban of American’s allegedly due to failure of Merican’ authorities to control the coronavirus. DNYUZ reports that this would lump American’s in with Russians and Brazilians as banned travelers to the European Union. EU officials are currently negotiating over their ban list. Oh heck, with the bureaucracy in the EU, it will probably be next year before they figure it all out. Still, one thing is for sure, they really do hate America, so maybe they can agree on that. 

Fauchi lectures other old white men 

Doctor Fauchi is back, and he’s not spreading good news. Fauchi told Congress basically  that the US is a really big place  and that while some parts of the US are doing better battling the pandemic, other areas are pretty much screwed. Lot’s of FUD from the little infectious Italian man on Capitol Hill. 

Mel Gibson canceled

Today’s celebrity entering the revolving and revolting door of the cancel culture is, wait for it, Mel Gibson. Variety reports that former Beverly Hills shoplifter and all around creepy Hollywood ****  Winona Ryder has accused Mel Gibson of making anti-semetic and homophobic remarks. According to Winona, Gibson allegedly said at a party regarding folks of the Jewish persuasion, ‘You’re not an oven dodger, are you?’ I’ll bet that went over like a led balloon. Of course Gibson denies the whole thing. But what does it matter, in the court of public opinion lorded over by the new orthodoxy and religious dogma of cancel culture, we are all guilty until proven innocent. And by then, it’s too late and you’re already screwed.  In completely unrelated news, Mel Gibson has been replaced in his voice over role in the next installment of the animated feature Chicken Run. How will he cope?!

Jimmy Kimmel canceled

But wait, there’s more. Jimmy Kimmel is also on the cancel culture chopping block today. According to HNHH News, Kimmel allegedly said the word which can not be uttered and also wore blackface at one point in his existence. There are also allegations of some kind of silly  inappropriate behaviour with an underage Megan Fox. 


Black face Oh Fey

Let’s see, what else. Tina Fey is doing her best celebrity virtue signaling and requesting that episodes of 30 Rock featuring blackface be erased. My god, isn’t she just a glorious example of Hollywood exceptionalism and sainthood to model our meaningless lives after? Fey said in Variety magazine: “I apologize for pain they have caused. Going forward, no comedy-loving kid needs to stumble on these tropes and be stung by their ugliness.” Didn’t someone once say, comedy is not pretty? Tina, just go stick your head in a bucket of creosote and inhale deeply already. 

Thus Spake Greta

Today’s sound byte of the day, comes from the high priest and grand social justice supreme  commissioner of the kindly inquisition, Greta Thornberg, smacking down her two cents on the black lives matter movement. Our lord and saviour, seventeen year old saint Greta Thornberg on the BBC. If you really think about it objectively, people look up and listen to her as if she has the wisdom of Nietzsche or the Dali Lama. When in truth, she hasn’t even finished high school yet, and I should listen to her words of wisdom? But you all go right ahead and enjoy your shared psychotic delusional disorder. 

Apple Watch is watching you masturbate

Maybe you’ve heard that one of the new features of the Apple Watch is that it can now let you know when to wash your hands.  So it begs the question, is the Apple Watch just like ceiling cat, and paying attention to when you masturbate? If so, one has to wonder what the fruity computer company is doing with all of that jerky data. Yea, I know, we do hear there is a fap for that.  Nothing quite says I love you, more than getting an Apple Watch and a Shake Weight for your birthday.

Women hate your pussy, cat

Men, if you have a cat as a pet, the research shows that you’re less likely to get any action. A new study from Colorado State University notes women are less likely to even consider dating some looser who owns a cat. So for god’s sake, don’t put pictures of you and your cat online if you want a right swipe. Men who have pictures online with their pussy are viewed as less masculine; more neurotic and less dateable. CBSN Denver reports that the study points out that, “Women prefer men with ‘good genes’ and that clearly, the presence of a cat diminishes that perception.” Besides, men with cat’s probably sport a man bun. 

Check out this episode!

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

What if you had a rally and no one cared? NASCAR gets the flag. Great, now there after my pancake syrup. Chicago sets a new record and pennies are the new toilet paper. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

President Trump had his first rally following months of quarantine from the pandemic and when all was said and done, the Tulsa venue was only about a third full. I guess The President will have to walk back that boast about all his events never having empty seats. For those with Trump derangement syndrome, it was schadenfreude extraordinaire watching the great orange one have a big failure right out of the campaign kick-off box. For those brainwashed by Trump, who cares, their eyes are still spinning for their great white dope. If you’re keeping track of such things, Trump has a thirty eight percent approval rate.

Speaking of being out of action. You may have noticed last week the Overnight Underground was out to pasture. Yea, I was down with some sort of mystery illness. But good lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, we’re back. 

Confederate NASCAR

Over the weekend, at the Talladega Superspeedway, the race may have been canceled, but that didn’t stop NASCAR fans from showing their disapproval of the recent ban of the Confederate Flag at stock car races. ESPN reported a plane flew above the track towing a banner of a Confederate flag that read, “Defund NASCAR.”

Aunt Jemima bad

In other cancel culture news, Quaker Oats may be canceling the  Aunt Jemima brand, but that change isn’t making everyone happy. The family of the woman, Lillian Richard, who was the model and spokesman behind the iconic image on the pancake syrup and mix isn’t pleased with the erasure of their relatives’ hard work. That’s a descendant of the actual Aunt Jemima on WIFR TV in East Texas. 

Tear down Robert Moses

The latest statue to get the bullseye for coming down? The man known as the “Master Builder” in New York City is the latest bronze bubba to have protesters call for statues in his honor to be erased. Ten Ten WINS reports the angry mob wants the statue in Babylon, Long Island to indeed kiss the dirt. Hell, why stop there, he was the great architect for New York City, just burn the whole damn city to the ground, now that would be some mighty fine erasin’.

Lenin gets statue in Germany

In a somewhat related story, the citizens of Gelsenkirchen in West Germany won the right to erect a statue of Lenin after a lengthy legal battle. So while here in the US, we’re busy tearing down statues of Lincoln, Grant and Daffy Duck, Germany gets a new statue of the first leader of Soviet Russia. With a death toll under his belt estimated somewhere north of three million souls.

Chicago breaks record

What the hell is going on in Chicago? The Sun Times reports that one hundred and four people were shot over the weekend in the windy city and fourteen died from gunshot wounds. Those deaths included a 3-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl. This is a new record for shooting victims for the year in the windy city. Congratulations to all involved.

Pennies new toilet paper

Here’s something you didn’t expect. Forget the toilet paper shortage, the US is now in a coin shortage. NPR reports that American banks are running low on pocket change. It seems that due to the pandemic, what else, the Federal Reserve has been forced to ration nickels, dimes, quarters and yes even pennies. When the banks shut down their lobbies from the rona’ virus, those unused coins in your piggy bank backed up (excuse the pun), leading to a shortage nationwide and pennies becoming the new toilet paper. Wasn’t it just last week that chickens were declared the new toilet paper? Personally, I don’t want to wipe my ass with either one of them. Bringing new meaning to the phase, “Change we can relieve in:”

Eel’s and rectum do not go together 

Speaking of… We’re back to another story about another Chinaman sticking inappropriate things in places where the sun don’t shine. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Daily Mail, a man in his fifties in Guangdong, sauntered into the hospital complaining of abdominal pain. In a million years you will never guess what the doctors found? It seems Mister Mensa had inserted a 16-inch live eel into his to quote; ‘treat his constipation.’ Now before you try anything similar, Mister Gere, this Chinese idiot in question underwent emergency surgery after having his colin torn apart by the slimy creature. 

Check out this episode!

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

The great statue war of 2020. Fawlty Towers falls. Starbucks not woke, woke. Band Aids woke. Lawlessness in Seattle and three tales of the po po. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The Great Statue War

Get ready for the first weekend of the great statue war. In London, they’ve completely encased the statue of Winston Churchill so protesters can’t deface and topple the statue of a man that just a few scant years ago was voted England’s greatest Britton. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.  Christopher Columbus, Cecil Rhodes, Robert the Bruce in Scotland and Belgium’s King Leopold have all been the targets of angry mobs of woke il-liberals. 

British anti-racism protestors call for destruction of Giza Pyramids – Egypt Independent

British anti-racism protestors called for the destruction of Egypt’s Giza Pyramids on Sunday, after tearing down a statue of a slave trader in the city of Bristol and throwing it in the Avon river, CNN reported Monday. The pyramids have been among the most frequently discussed topics in the UK over the past several hours, inspired by controversy over who built them.

What’s the end game? Well, now English protesters are calling for the destruction of the Great Pyramids of Giza in Egypt and in the US, CNN talking head Angela Rye has called for statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson to be torn down. Like we didn’t see that coming. Meanwhile, across the pond, Nigel Farage resigned from his radio show with, quote “immediate effect” on Thursday. This comes following Farage’s comparison of the statue demolishers to the Taliban. Referring to the destruction of the two thousand year old Buddhas of Bamyan by the Taliban in 2001. Well, if the shoe fits. 

Cancel everything

Just how absurd can all this get? Well, an episode of the classic TV comedy “Fawlty Towers has been removed from UKTV. So far John Cleese, the Monty Python star who played Basil on the series, hasn’t commented on the move. Not to be outdone, the Nick Jr. cartoon Paw Patrol is being targeted by activists. It seems that the positive slant of the police dogs portrayed on the cartoon are just more than the offended woke mob can deal with. 

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Starbucks Black Lives (don’t/do) Matter

Just as news came in from burnt coffee giant Starbucks that they will be closing some four hundred stores in North America, the Seattle brown liquid proprietor released a statement that workers in its store will not be allowed to wear pro black lives matter attire. Although Starbucks has gotten on the corporate bandwagon of virtue signaling their support for BLM, they just don’t want employees showing their political colors on the job. All of this comes from that bastard, uh bastion of journalistic integrity BuzzFeed, who has posted an internal Starbucks memo online. The memo states that BLM flair does not conform to Starbucks dress code policy banning pins representing “political, religious or personal issue[s]” All I can say is, ‘m sure the mob is coming for you next, despite your corporate virtue signaling. OK, forget everything I just said, Starbucks just caved. According to CNN, Starbucks is reversing the position prohibiting employees from wearing paraphernalia, such as T-shirts or pins supporting BLM. Wonder if this new policy includes all political paraphernalia? Expect someone to get fired for wearing a Trump hat or Goldwater pin and lawsuits to commence forthwith. Me thinks Starbucks just opened their own bag of whoopass.

Band-Aid gets woke

Let’s see, what else we got here. Band-Aids are becoming more inclusive. According to an article on KVUE-TV, Band-Aid is expanding products for all skin tones. The company is set to launch bandages in light, medium and deep shades of brown and black skin tones. That should fix just about everything. 

Seattle Autonomous Zone Update

We got a couple three police stories for you. In the continuing saga of Lawless in Seattle, the police chief has now gone on record that city officials in the people’s republic of Seattle left the po po out to dangle in the wind during the recent riots and protests.  Well, even though she’s black, she isn’t towing the woke Seattle intersectionalist agenda, so she can probably kiss her job goodbye. As a side note, Trump continues his Twitter war of words with the Seattle and Washington State political machine. Tweeting Friday morning, quote: “Seattle Mayor says, about the anarchists takeover of her city, “it is a Summer of Love”. That’s Seattle Mayor dingbat Durkin. Trump continues: “These Liberal Dems don’t have a clue. The terrorists burn and pillage our cities, and they think it is just wonderful, even the death. Must end this Seattle takeover now!” I wonder what he’s really thinking? 

No pee for Berklee Five Oh

The Berklee College of Music is apologizing for allowing the Boston Police to use their facilities to relieve themselves during the recent unrest in the city. According to Fox News, the school apologized for, quote:  “perpetuating feelings of oppression, silencing and marginalization” after it let Boston Police use its bathrooms. You know, you just can’t make this sh*t up.  

College in Boston apologizes for letting police officers use its bathrooms

Boston’s Berklee College of Music is now apologizing for “perpetuating feelings of oppression, silencing, and marginalization” by allowing the city’s police officers to use its bathrooms. The school’s public safety department, in a Facebook post, said Boston Police have been staging officers near the institution since a May 31 demonstration in memory of George Floyd.

San Fran surrenders

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, the Police have announced that in accordance with the current political climate of calls for defunding the po po and to limit unnecessary confrontation between the police department and the community, the San Fran boys in blue will no longer respond to non-criminal calls. The web site Watch our City reports Mayor London Breed also noted that the city will ban the use of military-grade weapons and divert funding to the African-American community.

Murder over dog poop

Now this is one fucked up story. A woman in Denver was shot and killed because she was talking to her dog, trying to convince the pooch to do its duty. According to the Denver Post,  twenty one year old Isabella Thallas was walking her dog with a friend near Coors Field when a verbal altercation ensued with someone in an apartment,  over her telling her dog to hurry up and poop. Thirty six year old  Michael Close then allegedly opened fire on the couple shooting Thallas dead. Police later nabbed the reputed shooter Wednesday driving on a nearby highway.  A rifle and a handgun were found in his car. A GoFundMe page has been set up for the woman’s family to cover funeral expenses. 

Check out this episode!