The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines: 

Unemployment jumps again. Trump is tripping. Cali closes the beaches again. Big tech moves to tracks your covid health and the lockdown rips bikini waxes.  These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News.  I’m John Ford. 

Unemployment soars again

It’s the one coronavirus statistic that just doesn’t seem to flatten, the unemployment rate. As of today, we are now officially at thirty million unemployed. The unemployment numbers jumped just under four million in the last week. The Dow opened down in the two hundred point range this morning. Like it or not, the lesson many corporations are learning from the Covid economic disaster is that to move on from this nightmare we need more automation and fewer people employed in the most infected and affected  job sectors. 

Trump plans Arizona trip

It seems that President Trump has White House cabin fever and is set to get out of dodge. The great orange one announced he will visit Arizona next week. The New York Post reported earlier in the week that Trump had been getting itchy feet and was looking forward to campaign rallies and weekends at his swanky and kitschy Mara Lago retreat. 

Politico reports that this coincides with the President’s first major ad campaign that he hopes will end his slide into possible ineluctability. The spots will tout Trump’s handling of the coronavirus emergency and ads will be squarely aimed at Biden. Let’s see over sixty thousand dead, over a million confirmed cases and thirty million out of work. You know, Biden should just run the Trump ads with a laugh track under them. 

Newsom to close beaches, again

California Governor Gavin Newsom is set to order all beaches and state parks closed in his state effective Friday. Newsom blamed lack of social distancing by Californian’s for the new lock-down order. Oh hell, why not just blame stupidity. As the weather heats up in Cali, this order will undoubtedly get a lot of Californians hot under the collar. 

In somewhat unrelated news, teachers in California have called Newsom’s suggestion to reopen schools in July as being quote:  unrealistic. The teachers unions are busy reminding the Governor just who’s in charge of schools in California. In Oakland, the talk has been to delay the school year, not an earlier start to the yearly babysitting service.

Covid didn’t start in your mom’s basement

The latest poop on the coronavirus’ origin, is that the damn thing was probably not made in a lab. The AP is reporting that US intelligence agencies have concluded that the new coronavirus was not, quote: ” manmade or genetically modified.” All that being said, the agencies are still looking into whether the pandemic can be traced to contact with infected animals or possibly an accident at a Chinese lab. 

And proof positive that you can find news and statistics to prove just about damn near every side of an issue, come this from that bastion of journalistic integrity, Dnyuz dot com, reporting that senior Trump officials are pushing for spy agencies to track down evidence that will support the theory that a government laboratory in Wuhan, China was the origin of the virus. The Chinese government has, needless to say, denied  the virus leaked from a lab. The Chinese have pushed their own conspiracy theory that suggests the American military created the coronavirus. So who you gonna’ believe, our lying politicians or theirs? 

Prisons are sick

Well it’s one way to reduce the prison population. The San Francisco Gate is reporting that over seventy percent of federal inmates have the plague. Out of twenty seven hundred tests that were performed system wide, close to two thousand have come back positive for coronavirus. Let’s venture to say it’s probably not a good time to be committing any crimes. 

Over 70% of tested inmates in federal prisons have COVID-19

WASHINGTON (AP) – Michael Fleming never got to say goodbye to his father. He didn’t know his dad was fading away on a ventilator, diagnosed with coronavirus at the federal prison where he was serving time for a drug charge. His father, also named Michael, was held at FCI Terminal Island in Los Angeles and died April 19.

Pandemic gains tracking

Many Americans are good to go with tech companies tracking their Covid status and every waking and sleeping moment. Privacy rights have taken a big hit since the lockdown, and it seems that many Merican’s are tickled pink with the prospect of losing more of them. According to a new study reported in the Verve, more than half of those surveyed said they would be OK with an app that would let others know they had COVID-19. The survey conducted by the University of Maryland and the Washington Post found that Democrats responding in the survey said they were more willing to give up rights to be tracked by such an app. In completely unrelated news, Apple and Google recently released an initial version of their application programming interface that represents the first phase of tracking coronavirus infections. Coming next, undoubtedly anal probes to enter Wally World. 

Do you miss bush?

Now here’s some sad news. The coronavirus has taken its toll on the bikini waxing. Many women are, as they used to say back in the ’60s, letting it all hang out. The Sun reports, yea I know, the Sun, that bringing back the bush is all the rage right now.  No, not that bush. 

The full bush is back as ladies swerve bikini waxing during coronavirus pandemic

During the coronavirus pandemic, ladies won’t be able to book into their usual beauty treatments. And for many, this means swerving waxing for the coming weeks. Thankfully for all of us, growing out your fuzz is actually quite trendy at the moment. According to Vogue, “the full bush is the new bikini wax”.

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The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

Pence goes naked. Cuomo’s daily bitchfest. It’s time to isolate your dog. Disinfectant-gate keeps rolling along and garbage truck fires are now a thing. These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News.  I’m John Ford.

The unmasked avenger

The President didn’t do anything stupid enough to garner media attention yesterday, so the Vice President kindly stepped into the breech. Pence is under the gun for not wearing a face mask while visiting the Mayo Clinic. The Mayo Clinic allegedly told Pence that their policy was that all visitors need to put a mask on their puss, Pence passed on the recommendation. His reasoning for not wearing a mask? The VP said he wanted to look the healthcare workers, quote: “in the eye.” I think Pence needs to get Fauchi or one of the other White House experts to explain how to wear a mask.

Cuomo’s game of blame

New York Governor Cuomo used his bully pulpit to cast the blame of the covid pandemic on everyone but himself on Tuesday. His targets, public health agencies, the intelligence community and every politician’s favorite foil, the media.The New York Post notes that Cuomo has also openly grappled with Mayor Bill de Blasio as well on the face mask issue. Cuomo having a little Howard Beale moment on live TV.

Gov. Cuomo plays blame game for coronavirus’ American invasion

Gov. Andrew Cuomo on Tuesday played the blame game for the coronavirus’ invasion of American soil, calling out public health agencies, the intelligence community and the media – as another 335 New Yorkers died from the disease. “The virus was in China last November and December,” said Cuomo in a press briefing at the SUNY Upstate Medical University in Syracuse.

de Blaso puts foot in mouth, again

Speaking of Mayor de Blasio, he’s getting as good as Trump for Tweeting with his foot in his mouth. The Mayor specifically called out the Jewish community in New York for gathering in large groups, following an outdoor funeral by an orthodox jewish sect in Brooklyn. The Mayor Tweeted, that he quote: “instructed the NYPD to proceed immediately to summons or even arrest those who gather in large groups.” Goodwin’s law it seems is in full effect. Right or wrong isn’t going to matter here, he’s joined the ranks of those guilty of offending someone or some group. Mister Mayor, you helped create this beast of offense, now learn live with it.

Isolate your dog

Oh brother, now you have to socially isolate your dog. The CDC has issued a warning that your pets now need to follow the same social-distancing rules as you do during the COVID-19 pandemic. So no dog parks or sniffing buts with the neighbors dogs. According to the CDC, “do not let pets interact with people or animals outside the household.” Also, avoid dog parks or public places where a large number of people and dogs gather. Last week two cats in New York came down with the infection and a pug in North Carolina became the first dog in the US known to authorities to have become infected. And no, don’t bleach your dog.

2 percent of Americans are good with bleach injections

It’s just the story that the press refuses to let die, disinfectant-gate. A new Reuters poll says that ninety eight percent of ‘Mericans think injecting disinfectant into plague infected patients is a generally bad idea. Makes you wonder about the two percent who think it’s a spiffy idea. Overall Trumps ratings remain about the same as a week ago, with forty-three percent of Americans saying they approve of his overall job performance. Remember folks, use code Maga2020 for a thirty percent discount at checkout on your bleach and disinfectant needs.

Fauchi’s folly

Doctor Fauchi, the coronavirus expert at the White House that everyone seems so fond of, even getting Brad Pitt love on Saturday Night Live, appears to have a little alleged covid dirt of his own. According to an article reported in Newsweek, the organization led by Doctor Fauchi, the National Institute for Allergy and Infectious Diseases, financed scientists at the Wuhan Institute of Virology and other institutions for work on research on bat coronaviruses. Many scientists have been critical of the “gain of function” research that Fauchi’s institute funded, which involves manipulating viruses in the lab to probe their potential for infecting humans. The scientists’ fear revolves around the research creating a risk of unleashing a pandemic by accidental release. Sound familiar?

Good news everyone

In a somewhat unrelated story, drug maker Pfizer is now saying that they could have a coronavirus vaccine available by the fall.  Officials from Pfizer told the Wall Street Journal that testing of the vaccine could begin as early as next week and emergency usage could happen in the fall. Clinical trials have already started in Germany, where Pfizer is working with German-based BioNtech. New York based Pfizer has already invested six hundred and fifty thousand samolians into vaccine research for coronavirus. Pfizer, aren’t they the ones who invented viagra? Tell you what, if you’re rona’ virus vaccine can also give me a woodie, I’ll pay extra.

Boneless chicken shortage coming

If you picked boneless chicken as the next food shortage to hit the US, step right up and pick up your foul prize. yea I know. Anyways, it seems meat packing plants have reduced supplies of boneless chicken and the popular cut of meat is next on the hard to find list at the store. The pandemic infections at meat packing plants have reduced slaughter activity and could make boneless cuts as rare as hens teeth. Look bunkie, here’s a little hint. It’s not that hard to take a well sharpened boning knife and bone the damn chicken yourself. I’m sure there is a youtube video that will explain it to you snowflake. The really scary thing is, there is probably a fairly large percentage of people who think boneless cuts come from boneless chickens.

Garbage truck fires

Garbage truck fires, is there anything coronavirus can’t do? It seems that with all the time we have on our hands during lockdown, folks around the country are taking advantage of that time off from work and cleaning up and doing chores that have been piling up. One problem though. Fox News Denver reports that there has been an increase in garbage truck fires. Which are undoubtedly due to more people tossing out hazardous materials such as batteries, pool chemicals, paint thinner, lighter fluid and propane tanks. When the garbage trucks use their compactor to smash the trash, it often goes boom.

More garbage trucks catching fire as homeowners clean out clutter

DENVER (KDVR) – If you are doing some extra spring cleaning around the house during the stay-at-home or “safer at home” orders, be careful what you throw away. Waste Management says it is seeing an uptick in garbage truck fires, likely due to more people tossing out hazardous materials.

Eat your fries or no pudding

The US may have a french fry shortage due to the cursed coronavirus, but in Belgium, they have a glut of potatoes. In fact, three quarters of a million tons of the tasty tubers are at risk of being thrown away. According to CNBC, the Belgian government is telling its citizens to eat two helpings of fries a day. The spud glut is mostly due to a fall in demand in the frozen potato sector. Now there’s a phrase you don’t hear every day, the frozen potato sector. Of course the Belgians make a damn good fry, and you can almost forgive them for slathering their wonderful fries in the devil’s condiment of emulsified raw egg yolk, oil and acid.

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The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines: 

We’re losing our meat. Where is Kim? Biden wants economic intercourse. Dive through dildos, naked German doctors and celebrities’ faces are deflating.  These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News.  I’m John Ford.

The coming possible food shortage

Forget about toilet paper shortages, you won’t need any anyhoo, because the next shortage is food. The Detroit News reports that the U.S. could be just weeks away from meat shortages. Due to the damn ‘rona virus, a third of U.S. pork capacity is shut down and in the US, Canada and Brazil, which account for roughly sixty five percent of the world’s meat trade, suppliers are shutting down or struggling just to stay open. All of this is causing prices to spike, U.S. wholesale beef touched a record last week, and wholesale pork soared just under thirty percent. Supply chain issues led food giant Tyson to take out a full page ad in the New York Times stating that the, quote, “food supply chain is breaking.”  But fearless leader Trump ain’t gonna let us become a bunch of mambly pambly wimpy vegetarians, word is the President plans to order meat processing plants to stay open, making them critical infrastructure under Defense Production Act. God bless ‘Merica.

Jennifer Jacobs on Twitter

BREAKING NEWS: Trump executive order will mandate various meat/egg processing plants stay open. Trump had signaled in Oval minutes ago he’d sign an EO today aimed at Tyson Foods’s liability. The order, though, will not be limited to Tyson, I’m told. https://t.co/0J6n10JNrD

Where’s Kim?

Oh now this is getting fun. Yesterday the Overnight Underground reported that according to a Japanese newspaper North Korean leader Kim Jung Un was on death’s bed due to a botched heart operation. South Korean officials are now saying that it’s possible the leader is in hiding from the coronavirus and there’s that fake picture of Kim in a coffin that surfaced this morning. Now comes word from foreign affairs expert and Asia analyst Gordon Chang, the fat bastard leader was killed or hurt during a missile launch  Kim missed both the Day of the Sun celebrations and the founding of the Korean People’s Army celebration on Sunday.  Gordon Chang on Fox News. Kim Jung Un, the only world leader with more chins than a Chinese phone directory.

Biden says intercourse, heh

This just in, Joe Biden says we need more intercourse,  I know, he said we need more economic intercourse. Does that mean more hookers? Maybe it’s more like feeling up an unwilling employee. It seems that both Democrat and Republican candidates running for president are pussy grabbers. Maybe we could have a bi partisan economic orgy.

Tom Elliott on Twitter

@JoeBiden: What we need is more “economic intercourse” https://t.co/zLa8hqspC0

Drive through dildos now a thing

Texas started curbside service for retail customers this week, and of course all the important businesses are offering their goods curbside. In San Antonio, if you need a sex toy stat, Hustler Hollywood’s got you covered. The San Antonio Current reports that you just place a phone call, order your merchandise and drive through for your dildo. It’s a modern marvel I tell you.

Naked doctors in Germany

In somewhat unrelated news, doctors in Germany are taking pictures of themselves in the nude. The physicians are posting the pictures as a protest over shortages of masks, gloves, and other personal protective equipment and disinfectant during the pandemic. You can view the neked doctors on their website Blanke Bedenken, which roughly translates to Bare Concerns. But don’t expect it to become your new erotica site, if you know what I mean (bite-wink). The link is available at the overnight underground web site, if you dare. Lot’s o’ schnitzengruben.

Blanke Bedenken | Profis für ambulante hausärztliche Versorgung brauchen Unterstützung

Wir sind Ihre Hausärztinnen und Hausärzte. Um Sie sicher behandeln zu können, brauchen wir und unser Team Schutzausrüstung und Unterstützung durch die Politik. Wenn uns das Wenige, was wir haben, ausgeht, dann sehen wir so aus:

Tijuana running out of beer

Ladies and gentlemen, there is no reason to visit Tijuana during the covid crisis for one last south of the border fling. The Mexican city is doing ok with toilet paper and other essentials, but according to the Border Report web site, Tijuana is running out of beer. The covid shut-down has caused breweries in Mexico to shutter and Mexican beer is darn near impossible to find in most markets and liquor stores in Tijuana. Unnamed sources are reporting that there is still plenty of barbecued iguana.

Mask law gun law you pick

Well this might be a problem. The Governor of Illinois, JB Pritzker, has passed a law that requires everyone over the age of two to start wearing face masks in public beginning next month. According to Fox Illinois, the problem lies with firearm owners who have perfectly legal concealed carry permits in Illinois. According to Illinois Statutes Chapter 38, Sec. 24-1, under unlawful use of weapons if a person “carries or possesses in a vehicle or on or about his or her person any pistol, revolver, stun gun or taser or firearm or ballistic knife when he or she is hooded, robed or masked in such manner as to conceal his or her identity.” So if you have a perfectly legal firearm and are wearing a mandatory mask, you are subject to a class two felony charge. That could land concealed carriers in the pokey for up to three years. I guess Pritzger didn’t think his cunning plan all the way through.

Facemasks could pose an issue for those who carry a gun

Governor JB Pritzker has blurred some lines of the law. Concerns have been brought up that wearing a mask in public while concealing a firearm could put those carrying in harm’s way. “Face-covering work and we need all Illinoisans to do their part,” said Pritzker during the announcement of the changes to the Executive order.

Americans at breaking point

American’s are at their ‘breaking point’ in the pandemic lockdown. An astounding one hundred percent of Merican’s say that if the lockdown lasts six months they’ll snap and twenty five percent say they’ve already reached that point. The research funded by Kelson Global, notes that the factors driving us to ruin include loneliness, frequent arguments with loved ones and constant anxiety. And it seems that the younger you are, the less patience you have for locking down. Nearly sixty percent of surveyed Generation Zers said they’ll reach their breaking point after four weeks, and a whopping eighty percent 80% said they’ll only be able to handle another two months of lockdown. Your grandparents stormed the beaches of Normandy and Okinawa , suffered the dust bowl and the great depression. But our little snowflakes can’t even stay at home, play video games, watch Netflix and porn without going postal.

Look how ugly the celebs really are

Oh the problems of the rich. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, Jezebel, celebrities’ faces are deflating during the pandemic. It seems that Jezebel talked to a number of plastic surgeon’s to see how all those celebs with all that work done on their mugs might be dealing with social distancing and the lockdowns. Take botox for example, it requires upkeep and maintenance shots every few months. Dr. Anthony Youn notes: “Once the Botox wears off, the wrinkles will start to return and eventually the faces start to deflate.”  Sounds like fun. Wait let me get my bicycle pump.

The Great Deflation: Plastic Surgeons On What’s Happening to Famous Faces

Celebrities are just like us in one way: They, too, have had their routines disrupted by covid-19. Some appear to only leave their homes to take a walk or go to the grocery store. Others cannot be bothered to do their everyday makeup; some throw on a bit of glam for social media posts in an attempt to maintain relevancy.

Howard Stern says Trump supporters should drink bleach

Howard Stern is being edgy, again, in an attempt to become relevant, again. It seems the one-time shock jock thinks that President Trump’s supporters should inject bleach and drop dead.  That’s Howard Stern on his Monday SiriusXM show. Pay attention President Trump, now that’s what you call sarcasm.

Howard Stern Suggests Trump Supporters Drink Clorox And ‘Drop Dead’

Howard Stern suggested Monday that President Donald Trump’s supporters “take an injection of Clorox” and “drop dead.” “I would love it if Donald would get on TV and take an injection of Clorox, and let’s see if his theory works. Let him volunteer.

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The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

Things are opening up. Please don’t drink the bleach. Crazy things people believe and stupid sayings from Florida. All coming up on today’s Overnight Underground. I’m John Ford.

Open the door Richard

The good news is that today, more and more states are opening things back up. Well, hopefully it’s good news. Georgia, Oklahoma, Alaska and South Carolina have already lifted some lockdowns. Colorado is getting retail pickup today, Tennessee and Georgia are opening their restaurants and Montana opened churches yesterday. All this despite the fact that Friday saw the largest single day spike in coronavirus infections. In Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is holding a prayer service today as restaurants return to dine-in service. (bite)

Kemp holds prayer service as some restaurants in Georgia reopen

Gov. Brian Kemp held a “day of prayer” service on the same day that Georgia permits restaurants to resume dine-in operations, as the Republican tries to tamp down a dispute with President Donald Trump over easing coronavirus restrictions.

Do not drink the bleach

The only thing crazier then a President who would imply the use of internal bodily disinfectants to combat the ‘rona virus, is that there are people out there stupid enough to actually consider trying it. In Maryland, yea we know, they’re not particularly bright over there, the Governor has gone on record that hundreds of Marylanders have contacted the state to see if it’s OK to ingest Clorox. (byte) Maryland’s Governor Larry Hogan on ABC’s This Week with George Snuffleupagus. Hogan went on to say that he hopes that the President will work on making the language of his press conferences clearer. (bite-gov 2) Remember how Regan was the great communicator, Trump could go down in history as the great miss-communicator. The White House has since scrapped the Monday coronavirus press circus.

Jim Acosta on Twitter

WH has scrapped today’s Coronavirus briefing, pulling it off the official schedule, four days after Trump suggested Americans inject themselves with disinfectants. This follows Trump’s refusal to take questions at briefing Friday and no press conferences over the weekend.

Ten percent believe US Gov created virus

Conspiracy theories, ya gotta’ love em. Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you you know. Here’s a new one, one in ten Mercan’s believe that the coronavirus was created by the US government. According to a study from the Annenberg Public Policy Center, nearly twenty five percent of Americans believe the virus arose in a Chinese lab and one in five think that the pandemic is being over exaggerated to keep Trump from being reelected. Actually, I don’t think the President needs any help with that, he seems to be hitting that mark all on his own.

Florida Gov states the obvious

One of the real positives of the lockdown and politicians spouting their horse sh*t on an almost daily basis on the telly and internetertubes, is waiting for them to say the next stupid thing. Take Trump for example, you can’t tell me the press corps isn’t waiting, salivating like Pavlov’s dog, for the President to put his foot in his mouth, over and over again. Our latest zinger comes from the Governor of Florida, who came right out and said what everyone already knew, but no one would say, outside of hushed conversation.  Yep, Florida Governor Rick DeSantos, admitting the Sunshine State, is actually the sunset state, god’s waiting room. But in truth, people don’t go to Florida to die, it’s just that once they get there, they welcome the sweet release of death.

DeSantis describes Florida as ‘God’s waiting room’ at COVID-19 briefing

ORLANDO, Fla. – Gov. Ron DeSantis used ground zero, nursing homes and God’s waiting room all in one sentence at his press briefing on coronavirus Sunday, raising the eyebrows and the ire of a few. “Florida is ground zero for the nursing home, we’re God’s waiting room,” DeSantis said Sunday.

Kim dead or not dead

Kim Jung Un, dead, vegetative or just on a really great vacation.  Yea, it’s really hard to say. Some reports have the fat bastard dictator dead and already in the grave. Trump says his best buddy is just fine. My favorite comes from the Japanese weekly, Shukan Gendai, which claims that Kim is in a “vegetative state” and unlikely to recover following a botched emergency surgery for a stint in his heart. According to the site, loosely translated by Google, Kim had a heart attack, was rushed to a local hospital and the surgeon who was so nervous to operate on the rotund leader, hands shaking while he bungled the surgery. The web site notes that, quote, “Chairman Kim Jong Un turned into a plant human.” South Korea, on the other hand, believes Kim is getting off the cart and is busy having a fag.

Check out this episode!

The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

Trump goes all cleaning fluid and light. The Cuomo’s take bleach baths. Masks that were once good are bad again. A petition for free Netflix & haircuts now a criminal activity. These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News.  I’m John Ford.

President disinfectant

Well, President Trump stepped in it this time. During Thursday’s coronavirus press circus, Trump suggested that we can start treating the pandemic with light, even inside your booty, uh body. But wait, there’s more, how about using cleaners and disinfectant, once again, maybe on your lungs and such. I’m trying to come up with some kind of logic for his diatribe, maybe cut him a bit of slack cause he’s a layman and all, but I just can’t wrap my head around the trinity of the healing powers of sunlight, ultraviolet light and household disinfectants. Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow can, but I can’t. Lysol Friday morning felt they had to issue a warning against injecting disinfectants. You see, there’s the problem, some idiot is going to take this stuff as gospel truth to shove a light bulb up his or her anus and turn on the juice  or inject a few milliliters of Mister Bubble. Or even bathe in bleach.

Lysol warns against injecting disinfectant after Trump speculates on coronavirus cure

Lysol warned people not to inject or ingest its products as a coronavirus treatment a day after President Donald Trump speculated on disinfectants when discussing possible cures for COVID-19. Lysol issued a statement on its website Friday titled “Improper Use of Disinfectants.”

Mr and Ms Bleach, the Cuomo’s

And speaking of idiots bathing in bleach, it seems that Chris Cuomo, yes that Chiris Cuomo, the genius man from CNN. His wife, Christina Cuomo, believes a good bleach bath is a valid treatment for coronavirus. Christina Cuomo posted on the Purist web site, the Cuomo’s regimen for fightin’ and wranglin’ with the rona’ virus. It includes, adding “one half cup of Clorox to my bathwater to combat the radiation and metals in my system and oxygenate it.” Other ‘treatments’ include: using a body charger to send electrical frequencies through the body to oxygenate the blood and of course in week two of the Cuomo’s fight against the evil rona’ virus, when a fever spike was aggravated by the full moon.  You can read the entire whackadoodle, hamptons ramalamadingdong post on the purist dot com website, that link is available at overnight underground dot com. Me, I’ve been eating pepperoni pizza, fried chicken and tacos. And there ain’t no coronavirus in my household, so checkmate Mr and Ms Cuomo.

Cristina Cuomo Corona Protocol, Week 3 – The Purist

On this 50th anniversary of Earth Day, show kindness toward our planet and every creature who inhabits it, as the transcendent photographer, adventurer, preservationist and raconteur Peter Beard advised us. My old friend’s recent death offers an eerily timely punctuation on this virus and a reminder that we can’t forget to protect one another, and the animals that roam the Earth.

NY Governor says Trump doesn’t’ like him

Chris’ brother, the New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, discussed his relationship with the President with late night TV host Trevor Noah (bite-cuomo-pres don’t like me) Governor Cuomo, I’m sure lots of other folks don’t like you either and people that hate Trump! Well that number is stratospheric. Cuomo went on to say, quote: ““Who cares about how I feel about him personally? My feelings are irrelevant, my emotions are irrelevant. Just do the job.” If that’s the case Governor, why even bring it up. (bite-protest too much)

Face mask bad

Who would have thunk it, now wearing a face mask is bad again. One expert recently told the Express that wearing a mask might in fact increase your chance of contracting coronavirus. The Chair of the Royal College of GP, Martin Marshall, told BBC Radio 4’s Today show that wearing a mask may cause you to touch your face more and possibly make you more susceptible to infection. Yea, but what about wearing pants?

Wohan plaque’s in Atlanta

Somebody is placing “Wohan Plague” plaques around Atlanta. AJC reports that the bronzed plaques, featuring Winnie the Pooh eating a bat with chopsticks have begun appearing around town. The Atlanta Police Department has been notified about the signs and a bias-motivated crime unit has been informed of the dastardly deed, but so far no arrests have been made. They really need to get Barney Fife on this stat. (bite-action now)

Free Netflix or die

This has got to win the “first world problem of the week” award. A petition is swirling around the Internet demanding that Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus, Amazon Prime and other streaming services should be free during the coronavirus lockdown. The petition has so far reached around fifty thousand votes. In the language of said petition, quote: “this petition asks that all worldwide streaming services enact a temporary 60 day stoppage of membership charges, as well as per-movie rental fees.” Adding that making the services free, is a “responsible community health strategy.” Some people just aren’t happy seeing restaurants, retail, movie theatre’s and other businesses fail, they even want those doing OK to fail as well. It’s sort of like some evil, twisted game of capitalistic schadenfreude. Besides, if you get free time on Netflix, you’ll soon figure out that the discount rack at dollar general has a better selection of movies.

Give a haircut? Go directly to jail.

It’s been tough getting a haircut during the lockdown, and yes, some folks have resorted to doing it themselves or having a family member take a whack at it. Their hair that is. But if you live in New Hampster, giving yourself a haircut could land you in jail for up to a year. An article in the New Hampshire Union Leader points out that in New Hampshire, cutting hair without a state license is a Class A misdemeanor. Anyone who does not possess a state license to give a manicure, pedicure, cut hair, or shave, yep, even for free and even within your own family is a criminal. What if you use a FlowBee? Can you sue the manufacturer of the vacuum cleaner? (bite-coppers) OK, that’s enough for today.

Andrew Cline: Cut your own hair? Hope you had a license for that

IF YOU’VE cut your or a family member’s hair because barber shops and salons are closed, congratulations, you’ve committed a criminal offense punishable by up to a year in prison. In New Hampshire, cutting hair without a state license is a Class A misdemeanor. (The statute is RSA 313-A:9.)

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