Overnight Underground News June 22nd 2020

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

What if you had a rally and no one cared? NASCAR gets the flag. Great, now there after my pancake syrup. Chicago sets a new record and pennies are the new toilet paper. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

President Trump had his first rally following months of quarantine from the pandemic and when all was said and done, the Tulsa venue was only about a third full. I guess The President will have to walk back that boast about all his events never having empty seats. For those with Trump derangement syndrome, it was schadenfreude extraordinaire watching the great orange one have a big failure right out of the campaign kick-off box. For those brainwashed by Trump, who cares, their eyes are still spinning for their great white dope. If you’re keeping track of such things, Trump has a thirty eight percent approval rate.

Speaking of being out of action. You may have noticed last week the Overnight Underground was out to pasture. Yea, I was down with some sort of mystery illness. But good lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, we’re back. 

Confederate NASCAR

Over the weekend, at the Talladega Superspeedway, the race may have been canceled, but that didn’t stop NASCAR fans from showing their disapproval of the recent ban of the Confederate Flag at stock car races. ESPN reported a plane flew above the track towing a banner of a Confederate flag that read, “Defund NASCAR.”

Aunt Jemima bad

In other cancel culture news, Quaker Oats may be canceling the  Aunt Jemima brand, but that change isn’t making everyone happy. The family of the woman, Lillian Richard, who was the model and spokesman behind the iconic image on the pancake syrup and mix isn’t pleased with the erasure of their relatives’ hard work. That’s a descendant of the actual Aunt Jemima on WIFR TV in East Texas. 

Tear down Robert Moses

The latest statue to get the bullseye for coming down? The man known as the “Master Builder” in New York City is the latest bronze bubba to have protesters call for statues in his honor to be erased. Ten Ten WINS reports the angry mob wants the statue in Babylon, Long Island to indeed kiss the dirt. Hell, why stop there, he was the great architect for New York City, just burn the whole damn city to the ground, now that would be some mighty fine erasin’.

Lenin gets statue in Germany

In a somewhat related story, the citizens of Gelsenkirchen in West Germany won the right to erect a statue of Lenin after a lengthy legal battle. So while here in the US, we’re busy tearing down statues of Lincoln, Grant and Daffy Duck, Germany gets a new statue of the first leader of Soviet Russia. With a death toll under his belt estimated somewhere north of three million souls.

Chicago breaks record

What the hell is going on in Chicago? The Sun Times reports that one hundred and four people were shot over the weekend in the windy city and fourteen died from gunshot wounds. Those deaths included a 3-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl. This is a new record for shooting victims for the year in the windy city. Congratulations to all involved.

Pennies new toilet paper

Here’s something you didn’t expect. Forget the toilet paper shortage, the US is now in a coin shortage. NPR reports that American banks are running low on pocket change. It seems that due to the pandemic, what else, the Federal Reserve has been forced to ration nickels, dimes, quarters and yes even pennies. When the banks shut down their lobbies from the rona’ virus, those unused coins in your piggy bank backed up (excuse the pun), leading to a shortage nationwide and pennies becoming the new toilet paper. Wasn’t it just last week that chickens were declared the new toilet paper? Personally, I don’t want to wipe my ass with either one of them. Bringing new meaning to the phase, “Change we can relieve in:”

Eel’s and rectum do not go together 

Speaking of… We’re back to another story about another Chinaman sticking inappropriate things in places where the sun don’t shine. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Daily Mail, a man in his fifties in Guangdong, sauntered into the hospital complaining of abdominal pain. In a million years you will never guess what the doctors found? It seems Mister Mensa had inserted a 16-inch live eel into his to quote; ‘treat his constipation.’ Now before you try anything similar, Mister Gere, this Chinese idiot in question underwent emergency surgery after having his colin torn apart by the slimy creature. 

Check out this episode!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *