Overnight Underground News May 15th 2020

The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

Retail sales are in the crapper. The Michigan legislature shuts down. Wisconsin opens up, Denver gets its own KKK shopper. A new nominee for the worst movie ever and a new irritating Chinese ice cream flavor debuts in Hong Kong. 

These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Retail sales plunge

Yesterday we saw the latest jobs report and it wasn’t pretty. The retail sales numbers released today don’t look much better.  CNBC reports retail sales dropped nearly sixteen and a half percent in April, which is far worse than was predicted. Clothing sales were hit with the biggest downturns. Hey, it’s not like you need new clothes, you’re not going anywhere and no one sees you anyhow. Retail sales declines were also seen in restaurants and service stations along with retailers that have been deemed non-essential. Grocery stores were one of the few retail establishments that saw an uptick in sales. Hey, people gotta eat and of course let’s not forget about all that toilet paper you bought either. 

Homelessness could spike

Ready for some more good news?  CNN Business now reports that the picture for low income workers is especially bleak. Nearly forty percent of those with a household income below forty thousand dollars a year reported a job loss in March. Another study conducted by a Columbia University professor, notes that homelessness in the US could reach as high as forty five percent within a year. The professor who conducted the analysis, Dan O’Flaherty, says the downturn is exacerbating homelessness which is already a public health crisis in many American cities. O’Flaherty notes, quote: “This is unprecedented. No one living has seen an increase of ten percent of unemployment in a month.”  Except maybe for those who got fired, and are currently seeing one hundred percent unemployment. 

Michigan shuts down legislature

Fed up with the protesters, Michigan lawmakers have decided to suspend their legislative session rather than face the possibility of continued armed protests. Bloomberg reports that  protests have been squarely aimed at Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer, who allegedly has received death threats since the protest began. Protesters are angered over the Governors controversial lock-down in the state. Lansing lawmakers had been fearing a repeat of the April 30th dissent, when armed protesters entered the Senate Chamber. The protests on Thursday saw much smaller crowds due to rain in the Capitol. Giving birth to the phrase, “Give me liberty or give me death. Unless it’s raining.” 

Bars open up in Wisconsin

Across the lake in Wisconsin, things were opening up after that state’s supreme court tossed their Governors stay at home orders. Quite a few Wisconsiners dashed from their homes and headed to the bars for a quick Schlitz. One patron at a bar in Milwaukee told Reuters news: Wait, does this mean he likes to schwing? 

Denver gets a KKK shopper

Another day another guy shopping in a KKK hood. Fox thirty one Denver reports that this time the pointy headed masked shopper was spotted and of course photographed at the City Market in the Denver suburb of Dillon. The police have stated that they are asking for the public’s help identifying a man. The director of communications for the Town of Dillon, told the press, quote: “Right now, they’re trying to identify him, contact him and take it from there. Obviously, we take this kind of action very seriously.” 

Biden mumbles again

It’s time once again for our sound byte of the day. Today’s winner comes from presumptive democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, during his latest virtual roundtable. Just for the record, and leaving all the mumbling and other gaffes aside, there have been thirty six and a half million unemployed in the last two months. I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, our choice as leader of the free world is to pick either this doddering old fool or a reality show barker with delusions of adequacy? If that doesn’t convince you that the game is rigged, nothing ever will. 

Tear gas ice cream

Oh those wacky Chinese. The AP is reporting an ice cream shop in Hong Kong has a new flavor that’s turned out to be a hit with patrons, it’s tear gas flavor. The main ingredient in the new confection is black peppercorns, to give Hong Konger’s that ol’ time memory of the peppery tear gas rounds fired by police during demonstrations last year. One customer explained the flavor as, quote: “It tastes like tear gas. It feels difficult to breathe at first, and it’s really pungent and irritating.” I don’t know about you, but that’s not what I look for in an ice cream flavor. What’s next, Covid-19 flavor? It tastes like a musky face mask, makes it hard to catch your breath and it’s only available for takeout. 

Worst movie evar

Cats is now officially the worst movie ever made. That’s according to the man who wrote what previously was considered the worst movie ever made, Battlefield Earth  Writer J.D. Shapiro tells The New York Post, quote: “I watched about 10 or 15 minutes of ‘Cats,’ and unfortunately, it might beat out ‘Battlefield Earth. To regular people, ‘Cats’ was f - - king disturbing.” Great, now we just gotta’ wait for Hollywood to make Battlefield Cats. You know, I wouldn’t put it past those idiots.

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